


The Voices in the Fog

by OlivesBadDreams



Category: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Found Poetry, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Poetry, Psychological Trauma, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 08:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3033233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlivesBadDreams/pseuds/OlivesBadDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything changes when He walks onto the Ward.  This man is larger than life, larger than all of them.  His charisma seeps into them – for the better; for the worse.  They’re picked off, one by one.  Soon, only one remains in the Nest.  The voices in the fog are recorded by the technology embedded in the walls.  // A poetry fic for Tumblr’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest holiday gift exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [ 3 ]

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @youregold for the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest holiday gift exchange. I was quite excited at the chance to use Cheswick, who is so disgustingly underrepresented in our fandom, as well as two of my favorite characters. 
> 
> I don’t really do poetry very often, especially for fandoms, but I decided to stretch myself. The last time I really tried constructing a collection of poems to convey a larger narrative… well that was back in high school. Hopefully this is successful. If not… well… #ITried.
> 
> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a theme in here somewhere.

_If I didn’t know any better,_

_I’d say that we are the Three Musketeers of this Ward._

_Always gathering to discuss our matters_

_Around this table._

_… Or does that make us Knights?_

 

 

I-I prefer Muh-Musketeers.

I’m n-n-n-no Knight.

 

**All for one,**

**And one for all?**

_That sounds like us._

**ALL FOR ONE.**

**AND ONE FOR ALL.**

_To be more accurate_

_I believe it’s_

_Un pour tous,_

_tous pour un._

_But I digress._

**ALL FOR ONE**

A-and one f-f-f-for

 

all.


	2. [ First Impressions ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

Dale Harding, President of the Patient’s Council:

 

_Reports of his looney-ness are greatly exaggerated._

_But I must say._

_As far as bull goose looneys go…_

_I take off my hat._

 

 

 

Billy B-B-B-Bibbit, resident rabbit, blushing a br-bright red:

 

I’ve never s-seen arms like his.

I-I-I-I say…

As far as muh-muh-mammoth men go…

I’m i-impressed.

 

 

 

Charles Cheswickle, murmuring from the corner of Ol’ Mother Ratched’s Therapeutic Nursery:

 

**Who the hell does he think he is?**

**I gotta say**

**He has some nerve prancing in here**

**I gotta say I gotta say I GOTTA SAY**


	3. [ Rabbits ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

She p-p-p-p-paralyzes me.

Harding calls it p-p-p-pecking.

He…

He shoos the hen away.

 

If I’m a ch-chick.

Or a r-r-r-rabbit.

He…

He’s a fox, or a hound.

 

W-w-wolves scare me.

Harding says He’s a w-w-wolf.

He…

He doesn’t scare me.

 

 

 

_I was born a rabbit._

_That’s for certain._

_I’m as fluffy as they come._

_A real thumper._

_A coward, you’d say._

_He wasn’t._

_That’s for certain._

_He’s as stubborn as they come._

_A real trooper._

_A hero, you’d say._

_A wolf, I’d say._

_But I can’t vouch_

_For His chances._

_For even though a wolf is big,_

_A wolf is bad,_

_A wolf can blow the house down…_

_She’s bigger and badder,_

_And she built the house to last._

 

 

 

**I’m not a rabbit.**

**I’m not any rabbit.**

**By God.**

**Not Me.**

**I’m not a rabbit.**

**The hen can go to hell.**

**I’m not any rabbit.**

**By God.**

**Not me.**

**I’m not a rabbit.**

**The hen can fuck herself.**

**I’m not any rabbit.**

**By God.**

**Not me.**

**I’m not a rabbit.**

**As long as He believes in me.**

**I’m not any rabbit.**

**By God.**

**Not me.**

**I’m not a rabbit.**


	4. [ Shower ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /subtext

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

He s-

S-

S-sang.

 

 

_Why yes,_

_Our wolf howls at the moon,_

_Growls at the hen,_

_Barks at the rabbits._

_Why yes,_

_He gave quite the stirring performance,_

_In the steaming stage of our mighty latrine._

 

 

**When’s the last time a man sang, hm?**

**And walked around all _willy_ -nilly in a towel, hm?**

 

 

_Oh yes,_

_He gave quite the_ stirring _performance_

_To our mother of virtue._

_Oh yes,_

_Our wolf is a_ snake.

 _She’s big, but He’s_ bigger.

 

 

Buh-buh-but He had

Sh-shorts on the

Huh-whole time.

 

 

_Oh yes,_

_Yes He did._

_Yes He did, my young scholar._

 

 

**It was damn like a parade.**

**How did it go?**

**Heh,**

**I love that gamblin’ man?**

**I love** that **gamblin’ man.**


	5. [ Grower, Not a Shower ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I REJECT YOUR MOVIE!MCMURPHY/BILLY INTERACTIONS & SUBSTITUTE MY OWN, BASED ON CANON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“Hey_ **

**_Hey, Billy?_ **

**_Hey, Billy boy?_ **

**_Billy Bibbit?_ **

**_Billy ‘Club’ Bibbit?_ **

**_Are you the_ ** _renowned **Billy Club Bibbit?**_

**_Of the famous_ **

**_Fourteen inches?”_ **

 

 

“Muh-Mack please-”

 

 

He whoops

And slaps

Billy’s leg

Billy’s about to blush

To faint

He’s grinning

Like he never has before

 

**_“Hey_ **

**_Hey, Billy boy?_ **

**_Billy Bibbit?_ **

**_Look at me, you sunnavagun._ **

**_You gotta lovely smile there._ **

**_You should do it_ **

**_More often_ **

**_Ya hear?”_ **

 

 

“A-alright.”

 

 

**_“Billy boy?_ **

**_Billy Bibbit?_ **

**_Look at me, you sunnavagun._ **

**_You say it with conviction_ **

**_With authority._ **

**_From your diaphragm_ **

**_Right in there._ **

**_Ya hear?”_ **

 

He whoops

And slaps

Billy’s chest

Billy’s about to blush

To faint

He’s shocked

He’s nervous

 

 

“ I … ”

 

 

**_“Hey_ **

**_Hey, Billy boy?_ **

**_Billy Bibbit?_ **

**_Give it to ol’ McMurphy_ **

**_Rough and Strong._ **

**_With authority._ **

**_With conviction._ **

**_A resounding-”_ **

****

 

“Yes.  Sir.”

 

 

**_“My, my, my, my._ **

**_That was the_ ** _renowned **Billy Club Bibbit.**_

**_Of the famous_ **

**_Fifteen inches._ **

**_You heard it here first, folks._ **

**_For my next trick_ **

**_I’ll even get Ol’ Bromden_ **

**_To wet his lips.”_ **


	6. [ I Can Show You The… ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... World Series.
> 
> Shining.  
> Shimmering.  
> IMAGINARY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“A fine victory, boys._ **

**_A fine victory.”_ **

Somehow His voice is calm.

But there’s nothing on the screen.

If they won, how come the screen

Is empty?

 

**“It’s not fair, Mack.**

**It’s just not fair.**

**It’s not fair it’s not fair.”**

**_“Shhh.  I know._ **

**_Close your eyes.”_ **

Somehow His voice echoes off of the walls.

He’s pulling them out of the fog.

Who cares if the screen

Is empty?

 

“It won’t do any difference, Mack.

It’s just not fair.

This isn’t helping this is pointless.”

 

**_“Walk with me to the stands, ‘Wickman._ **

**_You’re holdin’ popcorn, a hotdog,_ **

**_Whatever you fancy.”_ **

 

“I am, Mack.

It’s a hotdog.

Popcorn at a game?  That’s just not right.”

 

**_“Right you are, pal._ **

**_Hotdog in one hand,_ **

**_An’ a beer in the other.”_ **

 

“Now you’re talking, Mack!

And a broad for each of us

Waiting back at our seats!”

 

**_“O-ho-ho, easy there tiger._ **

**_But fine, a broad for each._ **

**_An’ the team you bleed for, versus their rival._ **

 

**_“We sit down with the roar of the crowd._ **

**_First pitch pops right in the glove._ **

**_Can you hear that pop, buddy?”_ **

 

“I can, Mack.

I can hear it alright!

And the beer’s nice and cold!”

 

**_“Keep sippin’, friend, keep sippin’._ **

**_Do you feel that breeze a-comin’ in?_ **

**_Do you feel that sun on your face?”_ **

 

“I do, Mack.

I didn’t bring a hat.

Or even a glove.”

 

**_“Ol’ McMurphy’s got ya covered, friend._ **

**_An’ he’s gunna give you the play-by-play.”_ **

Somehow it works.

Everyone pulls up a chair.

The Big Nurse is screaming.

The screen is empty.


	7. [ Dr. Love ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Personally I prefer "Dr. Feelgood."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“You ever really fall in love, Cheswick?”_ **

He asks.

It takes him by surprise.

He lies.

 

**“Well of course not, McMurphy.**

**You take me for a romantic?**

**It’s all wham, bam, thank ya ma’am for me.”**

 

**_“You ever really fall in LOVE, Cheswick?”_ **

He asks again.

He sees thru the lies.

He always can.

 

Cheswick starts again.

**“Shucks, I never gave it a thought.**

**I-I’m not so sure.”**

 

**_“You ever REALLY fall in love, Cheswick?”_ **

He asks once more.

He wants a real answer.

He always does.

 

Cheswick starts again.

Confused why he wasn’t upfront the first time.

**“Lemme tell you about Diane.”**


	8. [ The Swimming Pool ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pardon if this feels so abrupt, especially coming right after the poem before it.
> 
> I could't come up with a "bullshit" poem to throw in btn Dr. Love & this one. & in my defense... the pool incident always catches me off guard with where it's placed in the story. With each re-read... for some reason... I never see it coming each time. It creeps up on me & then it's SUDDEN & then...
> 
> DEATH TW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

It’s Cheswick.

 

He’s looking up at the surface of the water.

He forgets all the regrets.

And all the failures.

They just rise to the top with the bubbles leaving his mouth.

Blub.  Blub.  Blub.

Life is ticking away.

 

Flashes of light.

Flashes of red.

Panic.

He looks up to the surface.

It’s shimmering, glowing.

 

He doesn’t want to die now.

Flashes of red – of Him.

The burning in his chest is overwhelming.

Fingers.  Stuck.

Blub.  Blub.  Blub.

Life is ticking away.

 

**But…  He left me.**

**He did this.**

 

Flashes of light.

Flashes of black.

Panic.

Sinking to the bottom.

Eyes shutting.

Eyes closed.

 

**I… wanted something done.**

**They didn’t hear me.**

**I wanted something done.**

Fingers.  Stuck.

He can’t pry them loose.

Jammed.  Jammed.  Jammed.

Eyes closed.

Blub.  Blub.  Blub.

Life is ticking away.

**… Was I wrong?**

**Why wasn’t He there with me?**

**Why did He leave me?**

 

Flashes of red.

Flashes of black.

 

**Why did He leave me?**

 

Nothing.


	9. [ Ripples, Distance, Change ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“B-Billy.”_ **

He stutters for once.

How unlike Him.

 

**_“Talk to me.”_ **

Billy can’t.

How like him.

 

**_“B-Billy.”_ **

He stutters again.

**_“Talk to me.”_ **

He begs.

He touches Billy’s arm.

 

**_“B-Billy.”_ **

Billy recoils.

How unlike him.

 

“Don’t talk to me, Mack.

I can’t.

I can’t do this.

 

“I can’t talk to you.

I can’t talk if…

You don’t care anymore.

 

“You changed.”

The words are clear for once.

How unlike him.


	10. [ The Type ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of these are more "found poetry" than the others.
> 
> ... I swear it wasn't laziness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

“Hoity-toity boys

With the

Nice

Long

Hair

Combed so perfectly

And the

Limp

Little

Wrists

That flip so nice.”

That’s what she called him.

 

The nervous type.

The kind that should be in

Movies

A face

Too pretty

To just be a

Guy

On the street

 

Hands so

Long and

White and

Dainty

Carved out of

Soap

He’s got

Pretty

Hands

 

Harding clenches them

Hides them

Bites his fingernails.

Notices the two of them staring at each other.

The clicking of the red nails.

The clacking of the high heels.

He’s hungering just like the rest.

A real wolf.

 

_“What do you think?”_

Harding asks.

He already knows the answer.

He didn’t expect the answer.

 

 

**_“Hell’s bells_ **

**_Harding!_ **

**_I don’t know_ **

**_What_ **

**_To_ **

**_Think_ **

**_What do you want out of me?”_ **

 

 

_“Well I-”_

 

 

**_“Everybody spends their_ **

**_Whole life tearing_ **

**_Everybody_ **

**_Else_ **

**_Down.”_ **

 

 

_“I disagree with your evalu-”_

 

 

**_“I know what you_ **

**_Want_ **

**_Me to_ **

**_You want me to_ **

**_Feel_ **

**_Sorry_ **

**_For you._ **

**_To think she’s_ **

**_A_ **

**_Real_ **

**_Bitch.”_ **

 

 

_“You misunderstand completely, my friend-”_

 

 

**_“Well, screw you and ‘what_ **

**_Do you_ **

**_Think?’_ **

**_I’ve got worries of my own._ **

**_So_ **

**_Just_ **

**_Quit.”_ **


	11. [ Damnit Stop Reminding Me ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /ironic Hard-On usage intensifies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“Drop your cocks_ **

**_And_ **

**_Grab your socks.”_ **

 

_“Don’t you think that’s a bit_

_Vulgar_

_My dear friend?”_

 

**_“Hell’s bells, Harding._ **

**_If I knew you were so sensitive_ **

**_I might have to call you_ **

_Hard-On **.”**_

 

_“Please don’t.”_

 

 

He laughs.

A toothpick wedged in his smile.

He pulls his hat down.

A cap wedged on his red head.

**_“Yeah.  I guess not.”_ **

 

_“It’s a mighty beautiful day,_

_You’ve done us some good.”_

**_“Howee.  That sure was a hoot._ **

**_Tryina get that damn fish aboard.”_ **

 

 

He laughs.

He shakes his head.

Takes out the toothpick.

Takes off the cap.

**_“Howee.  What a day._ **

 

**_“One white titty_ **

**_One red._ **

**_I ain’t never seen the likes of that._ **

**_Can’t say that I have.”_ **

 

_“I hate to be_

_The bearer of_

_Bad news but_

_We have to go back._

_My dear friend.”_

 

**_“Hell’s bells, Harding._ **

**_You don’t have to give it_ **

**_To me all at once, now._ **

**_Give a fella some_ **

**_Breathing room.”_ **

 

 

He frowns.

He looks down.

He shoves his toothpick back in.

Shoves his hat back on.

**_“I know we do.  I know.”_ **

 

_“And it’s getting late.”_

 

**_“Harding…”_ **

He looks up.

He stands up.

He stamps his foot.

**_“I know._ **

 

 

**_But I got an exit plan.”_ **


	12. [ Introduce a Little Doubt, See How it Plays Out ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While writing this I wish I could've also added Chief to the mix. But ugh that's just so many characters. 
> 
> Perhaps next go-around... all Chief poetry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

He knows the Big Nurse

Is poisoning him

Forcing him to turn against

Big McMurphy

His voice

His man

Of the Ward

 

But she’s right

He’s not just a wolf

He’s a **_fox_**

 

But he knows the Big Nurse

Is scheming

Using him as a pawn against

Big McMurphy

The voice

The Man

Of the people

 

But she’s nuh-not

B-b-but he’s not a w-w-wolf

He’s not a f-f-fuh-fox

 

But he knows the Big Nurse

Is right

Spinning the facts against

Big McMurphy

The facts versus

The voice versus

The friend

 

Buh-buh-but I believe

Even if the other’s think

He’s a b-b-bad man

 

…

 

But…

Buh-buh-but…

The buh-buh- ** _bread_**

Why d-did He luh-lie about the

**_Bread_ **


	13. [ Words You Can’t Keep ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meh... if you squint there's probably the ship there. 
> 
> Meh... this is more of a set-up poem rather than a stand-alone. Not the strongest. Not my best. Not great at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

**_“I’ll cut out about six._ **

**_You can be bull goose looney again, buddy_ **

**_With what Big Mack outta the way.”_ **

 

_“You keep repeating that, dear Mack.”_

 

**_“Then why don’t you leave with me?_ **

**_Don’t you want to be more than_ **

**_Big ol’ bull goose looney again?”_ **

 

_“I’ll repeat it again, dear McMurphy._

_I’m not quite ready yet.”_

 

**_“Bullshit.  Bullshit.  Bullshit.”_ **

 

_“Yes I know.  And_

_Shame.  Shame.  Shame._

_You’ll depart at six just the same.”_

 

**_“You’ll cut out too_ **

**_In time.”_ **

 

_“In time.”_


	14. [ Good Morning, Miss Ratched ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
> 
> You didn't think I'd skip over this, did you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

“This is Candy.”

There on the boat

He had blushed

So red

That she had blushed

With him

 

**“Oh, Billy Billy Billy.”**

But he was far from the boat

From Candy

From anything

That made him happy

 

**“I’m so ashamed of you.”**

This is reality

This is the Ward

He’s just a cog in her purse

A speck on the floor

He’s nothing

 

**“A woman like _this.”_**

With a man like him

With him

**Him**

And his poor mother

And her discretion

 

**“This is going to disturb her terribly.”**

No

N-n-no

Don’t tell her

They made me

_They made me_

Don’t tell her

Please

They teased me

I promise

I’m sorry

I’m worthless

I’m awful

I’m hopeless

I’m a bad boy

No friends of theirs

I’m bad

_I’m bad_

Make it stop

 

I’ll make it stop

_I’ll make it stop_

I’ll make it stop for good

You’ll never tell

She’ll never know

How bad I am

She’ll never know

I’ll make it stop

Everything will stop

_For good_


	15. [ Why did you leave Billy alone in a room with scissors ? ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I really am.
> 
> DEATH TW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

The progress he had made was pouring out of his arm.

But it’s not like he has any other options.

After being hung out to dry.

To die.

 

I’m only g-giving them what they wuh-want.

What they expect.

I was nuh-never meant to make it anyway.

 

…

 

All the memories with Him pouring out of his arm.

It’s red like His hair.

It makes him feel worse.

 

I wuh-want more time.

A fresh start.

A muh-muh-mulligan. 

Rein-cuh-car-n-n-nation.

 

…

 

All the blood pouring out of his neck.

Death will come now.

They’ll find him soon.

 

I…

I didn’t think this through.

He’ll…

He’ll see me.

I…

I c-can’t let Him see me.

 

…

 

All the life pouring out of his neck.

He reaches up to press in vain.

It’s too late.

 

_The Nurse finds him first._


	16. [ Live Thru ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been on a Trigun kick & that's the only idea I had for a title for this so welp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

_Don’t_

_You don’t have to blame yourself, Mack._

_Don’t_

_You don’t do any of that._

_Don’t_

_Give me that “horseshit,”_

_To steal a phrase from you._

_That kind of rhetoric_

_Is the least I’d expect from you._

_Don’t_

_Because out of them all,_

_And there’ve been a lot,_

_This hurts the most._

_She’s taken the most._

_Don’t_

_This…_

_This is too much._

_Don’t_

_You don’t have to do this, Mack._

_Don’t_

_No one’s asking you to, Mack._

_Don’t_

_I can’t…_

_I can’t lose you, too._

_Don’t_

_But I can’t._

_I can’t even tell you_

_To stop._

_Don’t_

_I can’t even say it, Mack._

_…_

 

**_“Lady,_ **

**_I think you’re_ **

**_Full of_ **

**_So_ **

**_Much_ **

**_Bullshit.”_ **


	17. [ Survivor’s Hands ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. The classic Harding subject matter reveals itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

_I never thought I would be the last of us._

_That’s a lie._

_I always entertained that possibility._

_That sounds so awful to say, doesn’t it?_

_These… these hands…_

_They’ll never hold yours again._

_It’s not like you’d want to hold them anyway._

_They’re not so soft anymore._

_I’m ashamed to say, Mack, that I’ve taken to peeling off the skin._

_Now don’t you worry about me…_

_I’ll be fine._

_… I hope._

_I just…_

_Here I am._

_With these hands._

_These **damn** hands…_

_I’m far from the Ward…_

_Far from it all…_

_But I still can’t…_

_We shouldn’t have forced you, Mack._

_But here I am._

_With these hands._

_Without you._

_Without them._

_… It’s lonely, Mack._

**_It’s so lonely._ **


	18. [ Are You There, Mack?  It’s Me, Harding ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corny chapter title aside, I hope you like the content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

_My hands are shaking._

_I tried to do it._

_End things._

_But I couldn’t._

_I should have._

_It would have been poetic justice._

_The Three Musketeers of Suicide!_

_Doesn’t that ring, Mack?_

_But I couldn’t._

_My hands shook the entire time._

_I can’t._

_I won’t._

_I should have._

_But you wouldn’t want me to._

_And that’s enough._

_Isn’t that enough, Mack?_

_I tried to do it._

_But I failed._

_I’m alive._

_I’ll live._

_It would have been poetic justice._

_But… I’m tired of being a puppet._

_Part of a narrative not my own._

_I want to live my own life, Mack._


	19. [ 1 ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...  & then there was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Each “chapter” is a new poem / set of poems. These poems revolve around Cheswick, Harding, & Billy. Some poems feature all three; others focus on only one. Billy is the plain but st-stuttering speech. Cheswick is BOLD & BRASH, but fizzles. Harding is always so precise, so stylized, so italic. Bolds & italics are the big Mack himself.

_… It seems it truly was_

_All for one_

_And one for all._

_Thank you, my dear friends._

_Un pour tous,_

_tous pour un._

_I’ll live._

_All of me,_

_For you.  For us._

 


End file.
